I had hoped to have the chance to write yesterday, but life’s circumstances caused a change in plans. So here, a day late, are my unedited thoughts on “change”.

I’ve never been a fan of change. Well, I guess I should say I wasn’t a fan of change until shortly after I turned 51.

Growing up, I hated change. My life wasn’t perfect and my family wasn’t perfect, but it was my life — and my circumstances — and I knew it, could navigate through it without much thought, and I wanted things to stay just as they were.

When I grew up  and got married, I definitely didn’t want things to change. I loved my life and my family. My husband, being married to him. I loved that. And I loved, loved, loved being a mom and having everyone at home. The four of us under one roof at the end of the day. Dinner together at in the dining room almost every evening, kids in and out of the house, school and sports activities — I loved all of it.

Then my son graduated from college and left. Then my daughter graduated from college and left. Then my husband passed away. I moved to a new city, started a new job, and began a new life.

Now, I long for change. I would embrace it if it walked in the door. (I love lists, so I’ll list the changes I long for)

1.  the frequency and length of my son’s visits (currently a couple of times a year for a few days at a time)

2. my place of residence — I’m “fine” with my apartment for the next 9 months or so, but I’m ready to make a change and live elsewhere

3. some/many(?) of my job circumstances and maybe even my career in general

4. my social life — a close circle of friends and more social activities would be great

Change. I used to dislike and even fear it. But that has changed.