I’m very excited to again this week join a talented group of women who connect each Friday in an online, unedited flash mob free write based on a one-word prompt from our fearless leader Kate Motaung. My timer is set for 5 minutes; let’s see where the word “still” takes me.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been part of the Five Minute Friday (FMF) group. I’m out of practice, feeling awkward and intimidated by the timer ruthlessly counting down the precious seconds allotted to me.
I realized as I typed that sentence that it’s been awhile since I’ve been many things: myself, at peace, comfortable in my own skin, healthy, filled with joy . . .
And I realize, too, that for far too long I’ve been still.
Oh, I’ve been moving. Sometimes I’ve gone through the motions. Other times I’ve rushed frantically here and there, making rash decisions, working to counteract those rash decisions . . .
But really, in all the ways that count, I’ve been still.
Not moving from my place of mourning, of looking back at what’s been lost, of regretting decisions made, of wanting somebody to tell me or show me how to fix things or, better yet, fix them for me.
Two weeks ago, in one of those moments of rushing around, trying frantically to fix a predicament caused by a decision that seemed so right at the time but turned out to be nothing but a far-from-effective bandaid, I experienced a proverbial thunderbolt realization.
I do not want to continue on the path I am on.
And so, these past two weeks, I’ve been still. With a journal and my Bible. With a list of Bible verses on a large sticky-note inside my planner. With a heart that longs for joy and relationship.
I’ve learned so much.
And now I’m ready to move, but to first be still.
To pause and be still, to consider where I’m headed (as opposed to where I’ve been), and to move forward. Productively. Positively, Unalone.
Today, this entry, is my first step.
(photo courtesy Pinterest)