I’m very excited to again this week join a talented group of women who connect each Friday in an online, unedited (so excuse all errors) flash mob free-write based on a one-word prompt from our fearless leader Kate Motaung. My timer is set for 5 minutes; let’s see where the word “search” takes me.

I spent much of my early life searching . . .

     for friends, love, acceptance, my role in life, meaningful work, happiness . . . 
  
          the list is endless, actually.

I searched in anticipation, with wild abandon at times, and almost always in joy of what might be.

I found so much . . . 

      my husband and children, wonderful friends, a nice job, a sense of purpose . . . 

           the list is endless and my life and heart  were full.

And then, in the space of three years, I lost two “things” that had been answers to some of that searching. Both losses created huge wholes in my life, in who I thought I was. 

I began to search anew.

It was a harder search. I was no longer young, and the search was more taxing. No longer was I searching in anticipation, with wild abandon, or in joy.

I searched in a fog of grief over what I had lost . . . in fear of what I might find.

I searched outside myself and within.

My search has led me . . . 

     to new places, both physically and emotionally . . . 

          to new jobs, with new experiences and new people and new growth . . .

               to new people . . . new friends . . . new mentors . . . new inspirations . . . new challengers

Most importantly, my search has caused me to explore  myself in ways I hadn’t done since I was a teenager. 

I’ve explored my values, my priorities, my hopes and dreams.

Is my search over? Oh, I hope not.

Because now, once again, I search in anticipation, in joy, in wild abandon.

Are you searching? What do you seek? Where do you look? Please share your own thoughts via a comment.